A Valentine From Your Toddler (Interpreted)

February 14th is right around the corner.  Didn’t get a valentine from your kiddo because he’s too young to give you one?  That’s what you think.  Using a little imagination (and sometimes a pair of scissors), you’ll realize that he’s been leaving you valentines for months.  Here are just a few of them, interpreted for you.

Valentines day theuglyvolvo 1
Created during his blue period, which lasted from 10 until 10:16 this morning.


 Happy Valentine’s Day to Someone Who Means the World to Me

Valentines day theuglyvolvo 2

“I love you.  I love you and this light pink scribble on a piece of computer paper will never fully convey how my soul comes alive when you hold me and attempt to comb dried oatmeal and crushed pieces of apple out of my hair.  I love seeing your face when you walk into my bedroom every morning.  I never care if you have messy hair and terrible breath.  I always think you are amazing.  You are my favorite person in the entire world.”

 *          *          *

valentines day theuglyvolvo 3

“I love that you teach me things.  Remember the other day when you tried to teach me how to hold a bunch of crayons at the same time so that it would make a rainbow, and instead I insisted on collecting all the blue crayons in my fist and stabbing them into the paper like some lunatic relaying a message in morse code?  I loved that.  I had such a great time coloring with you.  So much so that– you remember that frog sticker that was stuck to the inside of my thigh for two days?  I want you to have it.”

Yes, really.

  *          *          *

valentines day theuglyvolvo 4

“Sometimes, and I know you have mixed feelings about this, my love transcends the piece of paper that you have insisted I color on.  There are times when I am  overcome with and overwhelmed by how happy I am to be alive and to be near you.  And then, yes, I will draw on the table a little.  It is my hand that draws but it is my heart that moves it.  And you say something like, “Stop it, not on the table,” but I know what you mean is WE ARE KINDRED SPIRITS SHARING A SOUL.  You are the counterpart to a bunch of literary characters that I will probably read about in high school.  You smile and my heart swells with joy.

 *          *          *

valentines day theuglyvolvo 5

There are times when I leave the drawing table altogether.  How could I ever thank you for all you have done for me??  For giving me life?  For feeding and loving me and rocking me to sleep when I am tired or restless?  For selflessly putting my needs above your own???  Do you think I have not noticed??  Do you even understand the love that I have for you?  One can barely express it on a windowsill with a purple crayon while you are not looking.

  *          *          *

valentines day theuglyvolvo 6

“I can hear your heart-warming, melodious voice chanting, “ON PAPER.  WE COLOR ON PAPER,” as you lovingly (though with quite a bit of force) pull the crayon from my hand.  It is fine.  I have others in my pocket.  But a door seemed the perfect metaphor for all the doors you have opened for me and I have tried to express that here.  Now you will think of me always as you enter the bathroom as I think of you every waking minute of my life.

  *          *          *

valentines day theuglyvolvo 7

I love that you read to me.  Both the wonderful classic stories I take in while sitting nestled on your lap and also this short book about Clifford as a baby which I think maybe we got at a garage sale?  I have tried here to highlight one of my favorite parts.

Have I mentioned that you are my everything?

  *          *          *

valentines day toddler the ugly volvo interpreted

There are times when crayons alone are ineffective in conveying my feelings and I feel called to make a statement in a stronger, more pungent medium.  I. Love. You.  Did you hear that?  No?  Did you smell it?  I think about you every hour of every day and I want nothing more than to snuggle myself lovingly into your senses– to make a statement so bold and extreme that you are forced to tie it up in a plastic bag and put it outside the front door so that it doesn’t stink up the entire apartment.

 *          *          *

valentines day theuglyvo9lvo 8



Words are tricky.  I have not yet mastered the intricacies of spoken language.  I get caught up in the heat of the moment and while what I’m trying to shout is “I love you with my entire being.  Everything I will become someday is, in part, because you cared for me,” what somehow comes out is, “TV!  Dumbo!  Turn on TV watch Dumbo!

I love you.  Do you hear me?  I love you more than I could possibly express.  It’s been a long road already and we have a far longer stretch ahead of us but I am excited to walk it (together) with you as my guide.   And my sherpa.  But always remember that a small piece of your heart beats inside my chest.  That we will always be, in a sense, one.  That while we live in separate bodies, we share a soul.  And also, while you are up, if you could turn on Dumbo that would be great.

*          *          *

If you enjoyed this post, like The Ugly Volvo on Facebook or follow me on Twitter.  If you didn’t like it I guess you always have the option of hate-following me on Facebook, if that’s a thing you’re into doing.  Also, has anybody seen Black Mirror?  Crazy, right?  But not as crazy as the photos in this post refusing to #*&%ing center no matter how many times I adjusted them.  *sigh* Also, happy Valentine’s day.

27 CommentsComment

  1. I love reading your blog, keep writing. Hi all! Greetings from Malaysia

    • Avatar


      Hi! Thanks! I only know one other person in Malaysia so you’re my big #2. Greetings back 🙂

  2. Absolutely hilarious. Crying tears of laughter. Keep up your sarcasm, it’s truly wonderful.

  3. My husband found your website for me and I am forever indebted. You are hysterical!

Leave a Reply