ME: I need you to watch the kid today. Possibly all day.
HIM: You hate when I watch him.
ME: I know, but I feel awful. I have a fever. I’m tired and I’m in a lot of pain. I really need you to do it today.
HIM: Literally every time I spend a day with the kid you complain about it.
ME: I know, I just–
HIM: Or you go on and on about how he’s whinier after spending the day with me.
ME: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t rag on you. I really appreciate those days when you watch him in a pinch.
HIM: I’m obviously happy to watch him. And he loves spending time with me.
ME: I know he does.
HIM: And it’s not like I’m going to turn him into a horrible human being.
ME: *sigh* I know you’re not. I just feel weird if you’re watching him for too long.
HIM: Don’t feel weird. He’ll be fine. I watched you all the time when you were a kid and you turned out fine.
ME: I know. I’m sorry.
HIM: I’ve totally got him, go lie down and rest.
ME: Thanks. Sorry I’m always so conflicted about this.
HIM: It’s fine. Parenting is a hard job.
ME: It is. I’m sorry I badmouth you sometimes. Thanks for helping me out when I really need it.
HIM: Don’t sweat it. It’s my pleasure.
-conversation I just had with my television set
* * *
If you’d like to either share the piece or follow me on Facebook or Twitter, it always makes my day and my mom will get weirdly excited about it. I also have a book being released in September called Welcome to the Club: 100 Parenting Milestones You Never Saw Coming. You can pre-order it on Barnes and Noble, Amazon or Indiebound.
Thanks again for reading. Your hair looks fantastic today.